"I want to trust you because it's the purest worship, i want to trust you, not just with words".
This has been the theme for me for a long time. It mainly started with last year and could be the first time I really could say I "heard" God speaking to me. Fall of 2008 I would be curled up in a ball in the shower crying so hard I felt sick when suddenly a peace would come over me and I would sense this overwhelming voice just saying- "trust Me".
Then this past summer (summer 2009) I didnt have a job and my phone was going off the hook with collections people threatening me and I was super stressed and didnt have anyone to talkt o about it for a long time until my mom found out and still I would hear late at night- "trust Me"
And now It's my senior year and I look back on all this and how I keep trying to control everything all the time despite these lessons and everytime I try to control it, it never works out ever. - "trust ME".
Then I pray and cry out and ask God over and over why I am not in a relationship, oh I want to be in one so bad even though it might not be time and yeah this is really fun but God please! And then I am in these "almost relationships that never go anywhere" and still keep wondering why. Until two nights ago when I realized I am still trying to control the situation. Manipulate it. -"TRUST ME"...i heard it again.
What am I doing with my life? I always thought I would have it all planned, not be that cliche of a college senior. And yet the one option that is starting to look the most likely is the one that everyone immediately says to do it. I am hesitant, nervous, scared and most of all would be completely surrendering to God.
Trust.